The year of expansion and transcendence

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Years ago, I was probably in my late teens or early twenties, I spent a New year’s eve alone. I was supposed to go out with a friend of mine. I got all dressed up and waited for her phone call. She was supposed to call me at the end of dinner around 10:30pm or so. Eleven came and went and I sat there all dressed by the phone. The new year came and went as well and still I sat there by the phone. This was the first time in my life that I had spent new years by myself. Back then I was devastated, it was the height of low. I was staring so much at the phone that I actually missed the new year. It never crossed my mine that I was enough, I could celebrate and wish myself a happy new year.

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I had never been alone since, It was a compulsion, finding something to do for New year’s eve, surrounded by people. Whether I liked them or not made no difference, as long as they were flesh and bones, breathing and talking beings that would wish me happy new year at the end of the count down was all that mattered.

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2008 has been a major turning point in my life. I got my heart broken and carefully glued it back together; I started on this spiritual and creative journey of fearlessness, joy and boldness; I quit my long term job and went into business for myself, and finally I started meditating and writing again. 2008 has been a year of me coming back, face to face with myself, all of me, beauty and muck, fears and hopes.

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This new year I purposefully turned down a number of invites and decided to face one of my main demons, being alone on new year’s eve. I wanted to spend the new year in a way that would be a symbol for 2009; fearlessly, comfortable with myself, in communion with life and nature, my heart open.. This new year I stayed home, had a burning bowl ceremony in my back yard and crossed the threshold into 2009 in metta (loving kindness) meditation.

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Metta meditation (my adaptation):
-In breath: May all beings be healthy and free.
-Out breath: May they all be happy, safe and peaceful
-In breath: May they all be filled with loving kindness, compassion and courage
-Out breath: In this life, just as it is.
Repeat 108 times (the use of a mala helps to stay on track without having to count)

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In a few months I will turn 30, quite a turning point. In my mind, 30 marks the shift from girlhood to womanhood. Everything in 2008, it seems, has been in preparation of that. A cleansing and opening of myself to create space so that I may expand and transcend into the woman I aspire to become; authentic, loving, passionate, creative, free and courageous. 2009 will be a year of change and discoveries. I can feel the rumbling of change building, deep within myself, slowly expanding out from my core. I can feel change come as easily as I can smell rain approach or see the storm building in the clouds.

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Can you feel the rumbling of change deep inside of you? What changes will 2009 bring? What contribution will you offer the world in 2009?

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I wish you a very happy new year,
May you be healthy and free.
May you be happy, safe and peaceful.
May you be filled with loving kindness, compassion and courage
In this new year, as it enfolds.

Live fully, live joyfully, live kindly.
-ivc-